We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
