so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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