Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'd cum for enchiladas.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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