Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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