Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
