I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
