i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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