new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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