Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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