now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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