i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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