Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
