I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
