I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
