I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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