If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
