don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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