I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
