Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
