Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
