I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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