If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
