i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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