So drunk its hurt
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
