I can tuck mytits in my pants
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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