Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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