Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
