I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
