I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
