I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
