In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
