I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
