It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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