it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
