Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
