I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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