you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
