Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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