If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
