battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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