She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
