we have pet lesbian snakes
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
