hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
