I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The air was thick with penises
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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