I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
