He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
