So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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