Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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