Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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