Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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