alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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