There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
